I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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