alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize