So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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