I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
