You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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