She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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