I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
