Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
