Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
