If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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