FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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