sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
