when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
