just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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