first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
