Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
