Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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