Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize