bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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