Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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