I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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