i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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