I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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