I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
