You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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