So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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