He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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