.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
