You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
