Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
