Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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