FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
