Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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