Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
