I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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