My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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