i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
