cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.