I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
