and she was petting her beer can
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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