i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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