I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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