I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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