this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
