barbara walters just said penis...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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