Will you blow on my dice?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
