man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
