and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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