make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
