history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
