do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
