it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
