i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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