My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
