i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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