I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
