I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
