Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What a dumb baby whore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
