yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
