I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
