I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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