I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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