your room smells of hookers.
And success
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
