I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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