Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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