so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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